Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Now, how is this supposed to work? I've been faithfully updating this blog with some dumb diary entries over the last few days, and I'm not sure if this really is the point. The options remain open that I could still write something more meaningful in here, but nothing in my life right now is particularly meaningful -- except maybe bowling. Not that that's exactly earth-shaking either.
How does it work? Aren't blogs public? Aren't they open for anyone to look at them and identify with them and comment on them so you either have people comiserating with you or lending their textual support or something? I haven't got an audience at the moment. Is that why I'm feeling a bit let down? Then again, is my motivation really to write to an audience? If this is the case, then I only included the Shoutbox and Comments only because I was showing off that I could; that html was a code I don't have to fully understand to use. Right, begs the question, who am I showing off to?
This meta-thinking is geared to asking myself one question: how am I going to get myself an audience for this junk? Do I invite people to read it, or do I let them find it on their own? How do I know who's looking for this content and how do I wave a banner in their direction? & most importantly, how narcissistic can I get?
No, wait. it's not about narcissism. It's good to have an audience -- it helps you focus your thoughts and helps you express the one thing that you want your audience to know, and that one thing simultaneously becomes an insight into yourself seen from outside yourself and thus you see yourself a little clearer. That's what I want -- memory and clarity. If I am going to be my own audience, then so be it. I seem to be entertaining myself pretty well at the moment and for now I will be happy.

I'm procrastinating again. Lots of things need to be done that are probably more important than bowling but the handy excuse is that I'll get round to it "after the tournament." After tomorrow, I'll have run out of excuses --but don't count on it.

Can feel my mind losing coherence right now. It's after midnight already, so what can I say but, "goodnight!"

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