Ma famille, rendered as cartoon caricatures and proudly displayed on my front door. They represent traditional Chinese couplets the wife decorates our entrance with annually, welcoming blessings into our home. Each panel bears the character "fu", meaning "fortune", and each family member wears a horse hat for the Horse Year ahead. CNY is still officially a few weeks ahead, but taobao has been expeditious with its deliveries so we're celebrating early.
*The title wordplays on "port", so literally, pardon my French. Credit: Google Translate.
Why would there be a need to remake a beloved animated movie from 2002 into a 'live' action one in 2025? To be honest, this one is the first 'live' action Disney remake I've watched, but only because the original resonated so hard with me. Would the story impact a second time?
It's a narrative that plays well in animation. The premise of aliens on Earth makes for a silly, nonsensical plot, so the animated medium of the original blends the incongruous elements into a seamless, believable universe. 'Live' action, though, needs a more realistic and grounded treatment, backgrounded by the fantasy elements of life and technology beyond the stars.
The plot and characters are updated, and some of the original's plotholes which we allowed for creative license get more of a logical explanation in the 'live' version. And then there is the concept of what "ohana" entails that gets explored and enhanced as well.
Conceptually, the story is the same. Two tiny outcasts find kinship and bond with each other amidst a chaos that is often of their own making. Through their misadventures, they bring out the best of each other while the lives of everyone concerned with them steadily fall apart. Sometimes, destruction is required before something new can arise from the rubble.
Some things that get updated are that Lilo's (Maia Kealoha) penchant for photography is gone since today, taking pictures of random people without their consent is no longer socially acceptable. Lilo's outfit is less traditional and more current. Big sister, Nani (Sidney Agudong), has help from well-meaning neighbour, Tutu (Amy Hill), a completely new addition to the original cast.
The 'live' action has its share of controversy. The role of Cobra Bubbles, the social worker in the original is split between an actual social worker (Tia Carrere) and Agent Cobra Bubbles (Courtney B Vance) doing undercover work investigating the alien presence on Earth. This split role explains why an ex-CIA agent with alien contact experience is currently working as a social worker. We always wondered if it was something he did or said that got him such a demotion. Now we know better.
Spoiler Alert: making Jumba (Zack Galifianakis) the main antagonist in the 'live' version seems like a betrayal of the character from the original, but we have to remember that in the original there was no motivation for his change of heart. He was always about capturing Stitch, disassembling him, and remaking a better monster. In the original, after finally capturing Stitch, Stitch politely asks Jumba for help to which he makes an inexplicable turnaround claiming, "he's very persuasive". In the 'live' version, Jumba follows through with his original motivation and gets increasingly unhinged with every failure.
Even bigger spoiler alert: Many fans of the original are upset when at the conclusion, Nani relinquishes custody of Lilo. In the original, Nani and Lilo remain as a family under the auspices of alien providence. In reality, aliens have no jurisdiction to enforce such protection once they leave the planet. It makes sense for there to be a more enforceable solution in the 'live' action, and that is for Tutu, who has been portrayed as a surrogate mother figure to both Nani and Lilo to take custody of Lilo.
Meantime, Nani is allowed to pursue her dreams studying Marine Biology, which again to many fans looks like a betrayal of the wholesome original ending when then family gets to stay together. 'Live' action Nani is accused of 'girlbossing', which is not true at all. First, Nani has to be persuaded to go to university, having won a full scholarship, and has turned down the offer time and again. She finally goes when Lilo tells her to go because that's what their parents would have wanted for her.
So what does this mean for the 'ohana' concept that was so central to the original? While ohana means family, it isn't limited to the nuclear family. The concept of family includes found family (which was part of the concept in the original) and now includes Tutu who is also found family and has been part of the extended family this whole time. Ohana also includes family members who are deceased and whose wishes are still respected. When no one is "left behind or forgotten", that includes Nani too. Despite being Lilo's primary caregiver for most of this movie, Nani needs care from her ohana too, which Tutu provides. Girlbossing would actually be Nani taking care of Lilo all by herself, but ohana brings the village to raise the child.
And finally, in 'live' we get to see Lilo achieve personal growth and gain some maturity. Animated Lilo gets everything she wants at the end, but at no personal cost. In 'live', Lilo decides she cannot be a selfish brat any longer, agreeing to part with Nani for a time so that Nani can become who she needs to be. Lilo does say "I like you better as a sister than a mom", so she makes the sisterly decision to let Nani go. This way, Lilo proves that she is ohana to Nani as much as Nani has proven time and again that she is ohana to Lilo.
While I generally believe that it's time Disney starts making original content again, Lilo and Stitch 'live' gives us a little more insight to the animated original. But I draw the line at making yet another 'live' remake of its sequels. Once is enough.
A parent had a casual chat with me and mentioned their adult son who has decided to forego dating as he feels it is "not worth it". This attitude seems to be a recent development in dating dynamics overseas, but to hear that young men here are of a similar mind, it's worrying. If we are trying to encourage breeding among our young couples, perhaps incentivizing already married couples to procreate is too little too late. After all, if young people aren't dating in the first place, nobody's getting married.
Of course, I'm speculating and overgeneralizing here, but it seems that dating, marriage, and babies require more money than people are willing to spend on them, hence the PM's Budget proposal. But we need to examine the problem at the root. PM Wong isn't allocating any budget to encourage dating, the first link in the ball-and-chain of marriage and family, but I doubt throwing money at this problem will solve anything, anyway.
What I think has gone wrong with dating today is not the money per se, but the expectation that young men have been priced out of the dating market. In the past, couples knowingly believed in the romantic fantasies of 'love at first sight' and 'love conquers all', meaning that even if we were broke, the couple would still find something to do without breaking the bank. That was how it was with me and the wife in our early days, especially in the year she had an income, and I was living off my rapidly diminishing savings. Today, dating has transformed into a transaction. No more 'love at first sight', aspiration has mutated into the expectation of 's_x on first date'. There seems to be an understanding that the man will pay for an expensive date, but if he doesn't get to round the bases after that, he feels cheated, having been used for a free meal, drinks and entertainment. Meanwhile the ladies invest in themselves to look their best on the date, hoping to entice their partner to become so smitten by their stunning appearance that wallets gape open, spewing money everywhere. "If a man can spend so much money on me, it must be love", but because of the transactional nature of the date, it's like the more money he spends, the less she feels cheap and the more she feels like a princess when it's time to seal the deal.
Young men, of course, don't earn enough to pay for many extravagant dates, so they don't even bother approaching women, while young women get asked out by older gentlemen who have built up enough resources to lavish their dates with the level of luxury expected. But once the old, rich guy has had (and paid) for their fun, they'll take their business elsewhere. No commitment, no baggage, just the endless thrill of "love 'em and leave 'em". Women are left bewildered and frustrated, being ghosted by the man who demonstrated love by showering them with material blessings the night before, and now they no longer believe that love is forever. Everybody playing this game eventually develops trust issues, it seems. Not exactly a solid foundation to build family on.
If it is true that the dating pool today is messed up by everybody's unrealistic expectations of what the dating ritual is supposed to accomplish, then it's going to take an attitude reset, and not necessarily mo' money, that will get the human population back on track.
This is the eulogy I composed for dad, who departed a week ago. I'm adding in stuff I actually said, and some other stuff I thought of later that I should have said.
[Generic greetings]... I wrote this down to keep my thoughts focused and disciplined, like my dad was.
Usually, the eulogist would speak of their loss and the audience would commiserate with him. Instead, I will take this opportunity to offer my condolences to you, who have lost a husband, a father, in-law, a grandfather, a nephew, an uncle, a brother, a cousin, a childhood or work friend, a colleague and mentor. If you are here today, you must have meant something to my dad.
So many roles, and dad defined himself by the roles he played with each of us. He was a protector, a provider, a peacemaker, a policeman, a disciplinarian. Sorry I couldn't keep the alliterative streak going, but I want to focus on the 'disciplinarian' part. I remember his unique brand of discipline when I was in my teens. I was peer pressured into buying some apparel I wasn't comfortable with, so I wore it and asked dad what he thought of it. Fashion advice from my dad -- what was I thinking? He simply said, "if you dare wear it in public, I won't stop you." Reverse psychology works every time. I did wear it in public – once for my friends' sake. And after that, everything else I have worn since has been my own choice. Except for today [indicates loud, ill-fitting Hawaiian shirt, black background with pineapple motif], but it's a special occasion, so it doesn't count.
He taught me maths, and lost his hair over it. When I got older, he taught me to drive stick. Lessons I'll never forget. Driving stick for the skill, and maths for the trauma.
Dad took all his roles super-seriously, even if they gave him lifelong anxiety. And the kind of kids we were, we didn't help. Regardless, I dare say that with him as our dad, we turned out pretty ok. My siblings and I all wound up in the education ministry. My sister and I got into education, my brother got into ministry. We have our own households, and are living relatively free from deprivation and desperation, so great fantastic job, dad!
One word that describes dad is "considerate". His final act on earth was one of consideration. His very last interaction with me was to say, "go!" as he waved me off at the A&E driveway. He didn't want my vehicle to block the entrance and cause an inconvenience to other emergency cases coming in. [Should have said: "My vehicle was blocking the entrance, and he didn't want to inconvenience the other emergency patients who were climbing over my car to get inside"].
Come to think of it, by passing at this time of year, he ensured that no one needed to bother HR with their leave applications to attend his wake.
That's the kind of joke dad would have told better. You would have been in stitches. It's all in the delivery. Let's use this remaining time to remind each other of his crazy antics [I retold dad's story about how he reflexively reached up and without looking caught a bird in mid-flight out of the air], grand adventures, and wacky conversations we've had with him. [Forgot to say: "Dad would want us to put the FUN into his funeral". Also forgot to tell the story about his conflict management process: Once he was playing mahjong with his sisters and needed to sneeze badly. He couldn't turn his head right or left, and he couldn't face straight ahead because someone would have got a faceful. So he turned his head upwards, looked towards heaven and showered everyone with his blessings].
Once again, my condolences to all of you for your loss. And thank you for indulging me in reminiscing our memories of my dad together.
Mocha has left to run with her ancestors. Vet records say she was over 21 years old, though we've really lost count ourselves. It wasn't like we adopted her, more like she adopted us. Back at our old place, we heard a commotion outside our front door. We opened it to find our big ginger block cat bullying this tiny white furball. He'd probably scratched the tip of her nose and she was never able to get rid of the scar after that. Of course we chased the bully away, and in walked this little one looking like she already owned the place. I've never seen markings like hers, all white with coffee-coloured saddlebags on both flanks, heart-shaped helmet, and the tail, all fluffed up like a squirrel's from her previous altercation. She owned us right then.
She's seen a lot with us since. We moved to our new place, which isn't so new any more. She outlived a couple of our previous other pets. Once we tried entering her in a "biggest cat" contest, at 4 whole kg, but she protested so much at being brought outdoors, so we left her at home. She would never have won, anyway. We thought she was big, but we had no basis for comparison. She would only have measured a quarter the weight of the champion.
Recently, the signs of her ageing slowly started showing. She looked increasingly fragile and unsteady as she walked. Her incontinence indicated a failing kidney situation, though she did make an effort to pee in the same spot which we lined with absorbent mats. There were the occasional accidents, but you know, old people. We took her to the vet two weeks ago hoping that she was just fighting a UTI, but on the follow up visit, she had visibly deteriorated. This time, the vet confirmed what we'd already suspected -- that she just needs to be comfortable while we wait out the inevitable.
We placed her on a towel in the living room floor so that she would still be in the midst of family activity. Personally, I hoped that she would pass in the house she had lived in for so long, in familiar surroundings, with familiar beings around her. And so, she did. I sat with her in her last moments, stroking her fur, keeping her assured that she wasn't alone. I kept at it, not knowing exactly when she'd gone. But the dog knew. All this time the dog sat apart from us, but just as I began to question Momo's lack of responsiveness, the dog quietly walked over and sat on my lap. I let her sit for a while then moved when I needed to stretch my legs. When I settled, the dog immediately sat on my lap again. Dogs seem to pick up and respond to human emotional cues. The other two cats were off doing their own thing.
The rest was procedural. We took her back to the vet to get her certified and arrange for cremation. We never keep their ashes since they have spent their lives keeping us company, so now they've earned the right to run with their ancestors.
It was '72. I was 6. Their Majesties dropped in on our sunny isle to see how their old colony was doing. Mom was preggers but was nevertheless excited to have a chance to look at royalty up close and personal. They were scheduled to make an appearance at the then Singapore Turf Club (now Turf City). Somehow, Mom bundled me there and got close to the barricade bordering the red carpet on which the Royals would walk back to their motorcade. However, where we were standing, Mom may have been barely tall enough to see, but not me. All I saw were the legs of the union jack-waving throng lining the carpet. Determined not to miss a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see characters I've only read about come to life, I pushed forward and inched my way to the front. Perhaps I was too determined, but to everybody else's horror, I found myself ON the red carpet. Just then, a man patted me on the head and said, "Ho, ho, ho, look at this little boy!" and carried on walking along with a bunch of other people. Then nothing else happened. The royal party had walked past me, and I didn't get to see the Queen.
I was disappointed. All that effort, gone to waste. When Mom finally caught up with me, she revealed that the man I encountered was Prince Phillip himself! But my 6-year old mind could not comprehend that royalty did not dress in crown, gown, and scepter as they did in my picture books. They wore people clothes, and I didn't recognize them as what I saw did not match up to what I expected to see.
Had the fright of my life. It was our first ever extended family Nat Day feast. We were all anxious to sample the wife's newfound baking skills, and the BBQ that followed.
Cuz J brought around a bull terrier mix he had recently adopted -- actually saved from being put down by his previous owners. The maltipoo was on my lap when the bull came sniffing round. On catching sight of each other, the bull reared up and clamped his jaws on the 'poo, dragging her off my lap onto the ground. While the 'poo was screaming, I reacted, shoving what few fingers I could into the bull's mouth and tried to pull his jaws apart. J and son rushed over to help, the three of us tugging as hard as we could. In the back of my mind, I was wondering what damage the 'poo was suffering. She was still screaming. My forebrain kept focus on the immediate problem: open jaws, assess damage later. Somehow, the bull let go and we got a clean separation. He got an immediate time-out in the garden, while the 'poo went into the bedroom for a diagnosis. It could have been worse.The 'poo showed only bite marks on her right ear, bruised but not punctured. Lots of sympathy and comforting later and the trauma seems to have faded.
The bull will probably need more socialising to properly calibrate his IFF sensors. I'm guessing he saw the 'poo as prey -- like a large squirrel, or something -- and couldn't help himself. As for the 'poo and me, we're gonna be a bit more wary of strange dogs from now.
A month ago, I had what I thought was a sudden craving to spend lots of money. Turns out, a month later, it wasn't so much a craving than a premonition. All I wanted to spend on was a new (and almost totally unnecessary) monitor with an HDMI port. Everything else was unplanned expense including repairs to Mr L33t; car maintenance; new health insurance policies; membership and late charges for a credit card I hadn't been keeping track of since I never use it; vet expenses for the cat's UTI, wedding gifts; and various entertainment expenses for out-of-town visitors. All worthy causes, no doubt, but the wallet is severely fatigued from the frequent open-close reps.
Austerity drive until next payday... which is looking so far away, at the moment.
Sudden realization: gift giving is neither about the giving nor the receiving. It's about remembering your relatives' names; particularly those whom you only meet once or twice a year.
Clan reps took a little boat trip. Somewhere between Changi and Ubin, we held a simple ceremony in which we reunited the ashes of Uncle N with Aunt L by scattering them into the sea. It was a reunion 26 years in the making and today would have been their 59th anniversary.
I'm beginning to dread scheduled vacation periods. Quite consistently over the past year or so, during these times, someone I know shuffles off this mortal coil and moves on to the other side. This is not to complain that my hols are ruined by tragic events, but to recognize that the old people whom I've always assumed to be a permanent fixture in my life are now so old that I can no longer take them for granted.
Uncle G was a true free spirit in his younger days. A traveler who went places, often on a motorcycle, is now finally free of the ailments and the ravages of ageing that tied him down these last few years. Have fun putting rubber to the asphalt of heaven!
While May's out of town, we are tasked with changing Pebbles' litter. He's very protective of his stuff, so to avoid getting bitten or scratched when messing about with his precious litter box, one of us distracts him while the other works very quickly to get the job done. Here, I've got him occupied doing baby seal impressions.
The wife's been busy baking up a storm of these almond cornflake cookies. Not for us, though. They're her contributions to a charity fundraiser. Who knows, maybe it's also a hint as to a whole new career direction for her?
F-i-L checked out last Saturday morning. His demise is the closest I've ever come to the loss of an immediate family member. While not entirely involved with the legalities and procedures therein, I was mostly a witness to the proceedings, service support to the bereaved and somewhat of a participant in the sending-off rituals that lasted the past five days.
"Somewhat of a participant" is because there is a little awkwardness when two families that profess different religions are united in marriage. Both religions make it a point to honour our parents and it is on this basis that mutual respect for both parties is facilitated. As a family member, there are certain ceremonial obligations that have to be performed in a traditional Chinese funeral. It helped that our funeral director had experience in these matters and was able to advise on what was necessary and what was could be waived for a potato-eater like me.
I didn't have to participate in the evening chanting services, so I sat with the other guests to listen and watch. Although the unfamiliar ritualistic vocalizations might have scared me as a child, I learned to appreciate the subtle harmonies and the complex, yet gentle percussive rhythms that combined to create a calming and peaceful effect on the emotions, and focus reflective, prayerful thoughts towards our dear departed.
My specific duties as son-in-law was to provide this flower and fruit basket as a token of my regard and esteem towards my father-in-law:
and also to sponsor the band that played before the last rites and accompanied our procession behind the hearse as we made our way to the cremation:
Papa, who so loved to travel is now on the ultimate trip. He will be missed.
F-i-L made it through the night, which is a relief. His blood pressure returned to normal. Mentally, he's still all there, quite aware of his surroundings, able to process who has come to visit him and behave accordingly. He may not be up to conversing much, but his thoughts are still coherent and responsive. That's good.
Having experienced quite a few departures already this year, I was hoping I would ride out the rest of the year in peace. But the trend continues its inevitable, inexorable path through the remainder of the year. F-i-L's losing his battle with cancer. Initially, radiotherapy seemed to have it beaten back, but all of a sudden in the last few weeks, it came back with a vengeance.
F-i-L's physical deterioration has been rapid and alarming. From the jolly, portly, happy-go-lucky gentleman that he was, the disease has wasted him down to... shall we say, his most basic structure? His once healthy appetite reduced to taking sips of fruit juice periodically over the day to sustain him. Now as he rests in the hospice, the doctor reports a significant drop in blood pressure...
I think back to last Saturday, when he was still lucid and made a bit of a show in presenting his grandsons a souvenir each to remember him by. At first, I thought it went somewhat over-the-top, in full view of the other hospice patients and all. But now I believe his timing was just right. Things moved so very quickly immediately after that, so if not then, there wouldn't have been another opportunity to make them promise to study hard and make him proud.
His closest kin are keeping vigil overnight. This night in particular might just be the longest night for the family.
Been out of town over the super-long weekend with seriously dodgy wi-fi and no way to update.
First time travelling with extended family, three tiers deep. Also for the first time, I belong to the highest ranking tier. Representing the next and subsequent generations were my niece and her hubby followed by their little 'un (my grand-nephew!) who turned one while we were there.
'There' being Langkawi. It was a trip we'd been planning since CNY and though the weather alternated between torrential rain and drab, patchy skies we still had a good time.
We rented two cars for island transport. Roads were quite clear, most drivers tended not to speed and navigating by GPS made driving rather easy. Stick shift, though, so auto drivers like me were last choice for wheel duty.
Accommodation was at the Federal Villas which was basic but comfortable enough. I did have a lot of wi-fi connection problems, considering that I had to pay for it (RM40/24 hrs), though some of my travelling companions had a better time of it with their devices.
Food-wise we opted to cook our own brekkie on the provided hot-plate: supermarket-bought eggs, bread, cheese, spreads, cereal, yogurt, spiced with condiments stolen liberated from the previous night's dinner. Lunch was usually a free-and-easy affair apart from one memorable occasion celebrating grand-nephew's birthday with eight lamb shanks(!) at Secret Recipe. And we were faithfully regular dinner customers at Fat Mum's (a.k.a. Eagle View Restaurant). The first night we had to wait about two hours to be served due to the unexpected holiday crowd, but we learned and ordered two hours early the next two nights. Why Fat Mum's? Because of walking distance from our hotel, and because the food was so very good. Of the mixed dishes and rice, most notable were the Teochew steamed fish, tofu in special sauce, noodles on fire (house specialty in which yee fu noodles are wrapped in alum-foil and flambeed) and the crispy squid rings which I don't usually like but these were deliciously crisp and so not-rubbery.
We descended upon every meal like a plague of locusts, almost cleaning out every dish, barely leaving the garnishes and overlooked crumbs behind. That attests to either the general quality of the food in Langkawi, or our terrifying appetites coupled with a no-waste policy.
Of tours we took a couple. The boat ride through the Kilim Ecoforest Park was an interesting look at the local wildlife -- eagles in particular -- in their natural habitat, plus some fish farming and natural landscape formations. The Sky Car ride was scenic, climbing to acrophobic heights from which we could look down and see practically the whole island and its neighbours in the Andaman Sea.
The first family trip has been a pleasant enough experience. If enough of us can find another common set of dates, another trip could be in the planning.
Dropped in to see Mom. She'd taken a tumble down some stairs over the weekend. She said it was because she was stumbling around in the dark. It's what happens when you've lived in the same place for so long, you don't think you need to switch on the lights any more to navigate your way around. But a moment of inattention later, an accident occurs.
Good to see her cheerful, alert and recuperating at home. And her sense of humour is still intact. Although there's a big bump on her head, there's no concussion. However, her arm is in a cast for a suspected hairline fracture in her wrist.
It's that time of life when we start worrying about our old folks.
Pebbles, the devil cat, has come to stay again while May is in LA. This reaction is in response to Tasha who has grown a bit, she is no longer afraid of him but is instead challenging and taunting him -- from the safety of behind my legs.
