Gorgeous women's dates tend to be guys who look like crap, observes Julia Allison. She's right! Take a look at the horrendous monstrosity June ended up marrying:

A pudgy, unglam, balding (hence pathetically attempting to cover up by wearing a fish on his head), drooling troll of a human being whose very visage would scare a vampire if they met face-to-face in a dark alley at midnight.

June has her own pet theory why gorgeous babes hang out with mirror smashers, and she'll say that Allison has got it backwards. The uglier the guy, the less likely other women are likely to come sniffing around him and try to take him away. Pragmatic, and makes sense.

Whoever's right, for the guys, the obvious lesson is this: as soon as you get picked up by a gorgeous woman, get ugly real fast and you can hang on to her for life!